Jan. 27th - It's been awhile.

Sorry. I know it's been awhile since I posted anything on this blog about mom. Not much has really changed. I guess can be good or bad depending on how you want to look at it.

She finally got over all that crap at Christmas and is back to eating "good" if you want to call it that. I still don't think she eats enough, but I know it's also tough to eat when you just don't feel hungry. (Oh, I just realized, I forgot to blog about that. We ended up taking mom to the ER on December 30th I believe. She had gotten dehydrated. She got to the point where she could keep anything in her stomach and had diarrhea really bad. They ended up giving her fluids and sending her back home.)

Mom will be going for the third set of chemo in this series/round (hey it's late) on Thursday. Then the following week she will go for another CT Scan and follow that up the next day with a doctor's appointment. We'll just keep praying that things are going the right direction. Last scan showed some improvement. Let's pray the same happens next week.

Good news is, it's almost February. Mom should finally start getting her disability checks and the back pay for the last 6 months. I know they really need it. It's been tight around there and they are blessed enough to have insurance. I can't imagine what people without insurance do. We are also blessed in that it's been 6 months now since her diagnosis. Alot of people out there with Lung Cancer don't make it that long.

Roger seems to be holding up well, but I know deep down inside he's dying too. I can see it in his face every time I'm over there. You wanna see true love. Look at him and how he takes care of my mother. I just hope he realizes how much I love him too. The Lord blessed me and was watching out for us when he put Roger in our lives.

Little Roger has been great too. That gives me great peace of mind knowing that as soon as he gets off work, he goes over and checks on mom. When he's going to town, he always asks if she needs anything. I'm so proud of him. He's come a long way.

Devin doesn't really say too much. He went over there last weekend and stayed so Darin and I could go to Indy to the woodworking expo. He always has and always will be Papaw's buddy, but he's still pretty close to mom too and I know that it tears him up inside. More so when he's around her.

Myself, well......it's just another day. I hate being so far away from her. I know 30 miles isn't that far, but when gas is $3.00/gal, it might as well be 100 miles. I do call her everyday on my way home from work though. I know she probably thinks I'm crazy, but I need that. I need that connection....to hear her voice, because I know one day, it's not going to be there.

Sometimes I feel like I'm sinking further into my own depression by just avoiding everything I can. My house is a mess, but I just don't have the motivation to clean. Financially I'm a mess. Heck...my whole life is a mess right now. I just don't know how to get it all back together anymore. I think another reason I don't like to sit here and blog about it, well.....right now I'm sitting here crying. When I get to thinking about the cancer, it just kills me. I'm sorry to go on about myself. I know that's not who you came to read about.

Please just continue to keep us in your prayers, but most of all.....Keep mom at the top above us. Don't forget Uncle Fred too. As soon as we find something out next week, I'll be sure to get on here and blog. We love you. Please keep in touch. If you need our phone numbers...please contact me through here and I'll get back to you. Lots of Hugs and Kisses........ Tammi

January 1st - Happy New Year......

A Happy and Healthy New Year is what I pray for everyone, but most of all my mother. 2007 was a challenging year and one I'm more than happy to put behind me. 2008 doesn't look to be much more promising, however we have to take it just one day at a time.

I spoke to her over the phone briefly today. She's still not feeling to hot. She said she was able to eat a little more and keep some liquids down. The diarrhea had gone away for about 6 hours, but then later it hit her again. She's still really horse too. It's hard to see her this way.

I often wonder...."What If".....what if that doctor hadn't told us about her cancer. Would or wouldn't she be much better off? It seems the Chemotherapy is what makes a person go downhill much faster, even when that is what is supposed to help them. Wouldn't it make more since to live a full happy life, even if it were cut a little short, than to live slightly longer being miserable those last few years? I know mom is a fighter and she will continue to fight with everything she has. It just doesn't seem right.

She has Chemo and a Dr's appointment Friday. I'm anxiously awaiting this appointment because of what she's been going through the last week. I'm anxious to see what he has to say. It's amazing how one simple cold can reek so much havoc on someone.....I never understood that until now. As a "healthy" person, it's nothing, but for a person with cancer....it's fighting for your life.

Well, I must prepare to go back to work tomorrow. I'm kinda looking forward to that, but at the same time kinda dreading it too. It's nice having the time off, but it will be nice getting back into the routine. If only I could work this job at night...that would be perfect, as I'm much more of a night owl, even at my age.

As we head into this New Year, I pray the Lord will watch over and protect my family and friends, each and every single person. We all have our own battles, some which we share with the family and others we battle alone without anyone's knowledge. Anyone except the Lord that is. He knows our struggles and our weakness and now more than ever I have needed him as has my mom. Please continue to pray for her and we will keep you all in our prayers as well. Have an Healthy and Happy New Year....may the Lord Bless and protect you as you go along Life's path.